im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
