I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
