The maid of honor just puked.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
