my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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