i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
