How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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