i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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