He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
