if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
