Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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