I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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