im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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