You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
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She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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