I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
