I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
