I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
