I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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