the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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