gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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