im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Come see our sink grown plant.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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