So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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