I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
