Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
