Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
