I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
high people should be assigned attendants
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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