well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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