You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
