woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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