Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
