I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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