Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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