Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
