We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
