i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
