I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
