I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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