I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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