when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
