My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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