maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
