i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize