ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
