I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
