Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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