we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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