Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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