he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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