you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think I won the penis lottery.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
