Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
