Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Two words: nipple clamps
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