I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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