Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
