new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
