she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
