You just made me feel so damn special
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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