I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
