oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
