the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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