Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
